dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
