Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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