If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
