Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize