You just made me feel so damn special
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I supernannyed him into submission
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
