Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This couple is walking their pig around campus
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
