his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
