He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
