Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
