Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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