I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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