you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
