Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
