READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
