sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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