I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
