I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
