i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
