Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
