Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
and she was petting her beer can
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
