There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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