Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need water and some morals
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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