I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
