I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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