I will die if light touches me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
