Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
