My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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