I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
