we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
