Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
