true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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