guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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