I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
