it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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