hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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