So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
