Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
