he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
