I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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