U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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