I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
