I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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