mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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