Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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