The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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