We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
