you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
