I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
