I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize