evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
