you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize