K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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