Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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