Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
