Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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