I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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