so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
