3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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