Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize