just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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