Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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