No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
being pregnant is like rehab
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
