Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You are a genius and a whore.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
