You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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