well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
