I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
