You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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