just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
