I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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