i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
