just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
