Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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