He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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