PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
