what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As shirtless as possible
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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