then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
