I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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