lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
