2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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