Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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