I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
