My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
