I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
