Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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