who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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