My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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