you would pick up someone in the library
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think your dad took our porno
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize