why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
