sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
