decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
