I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
