I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
