So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
