He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize