You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
